How an Anxiety Disorder Knocked Me Down,
and How I got Back Up

A book by Lee Wellman, Published by Tucket Publishing, LLC.

LeeWellman.com - Newspaper Reviews

The Boston Hearald

WORKING STIFF � By Darren Garnick

January 24, 2007

It's probably not written on your calendar, but this week marks the two year anniversary of the false "dirty bomb" scare in Boston. The rumor was that a multicultural terrorist cell comprised of four Chinese scientists and two Iraqi nationals had snuck across the

Mexican border and was headed to the Bay State to unleash deadly radiation.

To make us all feel safe, Gov. Mitt Romney returned early from President Bush's inauguration in Washington D.C. and assured us that if he had Celtics tickets (he didn't), he would not be afraid to sit courtside that night.

Kevin Penwell, a senior account executive at Gillette, wasn't soothed by Romney's courage. He was sitting in a sales meeting on the 36th floor of the Prudential Center when he experienced sudden dizziness and felt "as though someone had sucked the breath out of my lungs and blew it back into my face." As if the meeting wasn't going badly enough, he also sweated completely through his shirt and then started to shiver.

"September 11th affected everybody," he recalls. "Maybe it hit me four years later. But the terror threat was really just a trigger. All the stress in my life was going to catch up to me sooner or later."

Penwell, a self-described "anxiety survivor," realized much later that he wasn't really worried about evil foreign operatives attacking his sales meeting. He was feeling that at age 29, he wasn't achieving as much as he had planned in his "life blueprint." He seemed obsessed with the fact that he wasn't married with children yet. And the fact that he might have been playing professional baseball � if not for a back injury suffered his senior year of college -- still bugged him.

His story is unveiled in the self-published memoir, "My Quarter-Life Crisis: How an Anxiety Disorder Knocked Me Down, and How I Got Back Up." Written under the pseudonym "Lee Wellman," the book recounts the sales executive's reluctance to first talk to his company's mental health professional and his experiences with behavioral therapy and anxiety medication.

Based on outward appearances, Penwell, now 31, might be the last guy you'd expect to have self-esteem issues. He has an MBA from Boston College and won two Big East batting titles. His headshot flashes a confident athlete-turned-salesman smile. He's run a marathon, makes good money, and has been promoted "6 or 7 times" in his 10-year career at Procter and Gamble (which bought Gillette a few months after his first panic attack).

And there's not even the slightest trace of Woody Allen neuroticism in his voice.

"If it can happen to me, it can happen to anyone," says Penwell, who "gained a sense of normalcy" when he later learned of several close male friends who secretly struggled with anxiety.

Penwell notes that guys typically keep their mouths shut when it comes to revealing emotional issues. He insists he is not scared that his published confessional might wind up diminishing his image with future bosses.

"Maybe 10 years from now. I'll regret putting this in a book because I didn't get a vice president's job. But this is what happened to me and I'm not ashamed of it. Quite frankly, if I had read my book three years ago, I would never have struggled like I struggled," he says.

Penwell says he's sold 1,250 copies of "My Quarter-Life Crisis" at $17.49 on his Web site (www.leewellman.com) and at area stores such as Brookline Booksmith on Harvard Street and Trident Booksellers & Caf� on Newbury Street. An audio version of the book is planned to be released next week.

Becoming a first-time author has also provided the unexpected bonus of helping Penwell put his unfulfilled professional baseball dreams in perspective. Boasting the second highest career batting average (.384) in Boston College history, it was not unreasonable for the former captain to believe he had a shot at the big-time.

"Three scouts liked me before my injury. I definitely could've at least played in the minor leagues for three or four years," he says. "But it could've been a blessing in disguise. It took me ten years to realize that."

Darren Garnick's "Working Stiff" column runs every Wednesday in the Boston Herald. Stories or rants from the workplace are welcomed at heraldstiff@gmail.com.

The Boston Herald � Book Review

By Kerry Purcell

January 19, 2007

�My Quarter-Life Crisis: How an Anxiety Disorder Knocked Me Down, and How I Got Back Up,� By Lee Wellman (Tucket Publishing, $17.49).

Here we are in 2007 and looking back at another year of striving to get a job, get a promotion, impress your boss, find a healthy relationship, etc. Don�t freak out if you�re one of those people who are �constantly striving for success and achievement in all aspects of your life,� in the words of author Lee Wellman. �Contrary to popular belief, it is you who are typically the people most affected by anxiety.� Is he right or is he right?

In this candid memoir, Wellman shares his experiences, provides 15 strategies for overcoming anxiety and even includes a cheat sheet for quick reference. Wellman says he �finally decided to write this book after sharing my cheat sheet with a good friend who called me the next day to let me know how much my experiences and advice had helped her.� It helped us, too!

Man hopes book will help others with anxiety disorders

By Amanda Falcone

Record-Journal Staff

Just shy of turning 30, he already had his dream job.

The former All-American collegiate baseball player was back in Boston and living the life he had mapped out for himself. �On the outside, everything was great,� Kevin Penwell said. But he was worried.

He visited his general practitioner. There was nothing physically wrong with the Meriden, CT native, and that is when he knew. Penwell, now 31, says he is an anxiety disorder survivor.

Instead of hiding his experiences, Penwell has decided to share them. His book, �My Quarter-Life Crisis: How an Anxiety Disorder Knocked Me Down, and How I Got Back Up,� was released in 2007 by Tucket Publishing. It includes Penwell�s story, research on anxiety and strategies on how to beat the disorder.

Penwell wrote the book under the pen name Lee Wellman (www.leewellman.com). He received legal advice to use a pseudonym because the book mentions his job, and refers to his colleagues and his boss, he said. Penwell is a Senior Account Executive at Procter & Gamble.

Growing up in Meriden, going to school at Boston College and earning a master�s degree in business administration, Penwell said he never intended to write a book, let alone have one published. Yet, after learning more about anxiety disorders, he said he wanted to help others and break the stigma in society that anxiety affects only the weak and the timid.

�I argue it affects the motivated, strong and intelligent people in this world,� Penwell said. He began to write his self-help book and then his girlfriend Katie Regan, of Boston, edited it. Several publishing companies rejected it because he was a first-time author and was not a professional. Two national publishing companies did make offers, but he turned them down, opting instead to be an independent author. He has no regrets, he said.

Don�t check off your accomplishments, Penwell advises. Live in the present, and stop thinking about the future. A person can identify and control negative thinking, he added. These are just some of the tips Penwell offers to his readers. And he said his readers are not just in their late 20s. All ages are picking up a copy, he said.

�Everyone goes through it, and no one talks about it,� Penwell said of anxiety disorders.

Craig Katz, of Newtown, was a college roommate and a teammate of Penwell�s and was one of the first people to read his book, which has sold nearly 3,000 copies since November 2006. �It was definitely an eye-opener,� Katz said. �I think I identified with a lot of it, and I think most people would.�

Penwell�s book is sold on www.Amazon.com, www.BarnesandNoble.com and www.LeeWellman.com, a web site he designed himself. Several college and independent bookstores also sell it. The price is $17.49, and later this month the book will get a new cover, which features a picture of Penwell swinging a baseball bat.

CNN did a segment on the 1993 Platt High School graduate this month, and Penwell has appeared on other television networks to talk about his book. �These last few months have been huge,� he said.

�His story has just helped a lot of people,� Regan said.

afalcone@record-journal.com

(203) 317-2232

My Quarter-Life Crisis: How an Anxiety Disorder Knocked Me Down, and How I Got Back Up By Lee Wellman

(Book Review by Judith Bemis)

�There�s something humbling about developing an anxiety disorder. It can knock you down in a heartbeat.� Anyone who has walked in Lee Wellman�s shoes will relate to these words as they will to each page of his book, My Quarter-Life Crisis: How an Anxiety Disorder Knocked Me Down, and How I Got Back Up. As a recovered agoraphobic, I wish I would have had this book in hand at the age of 27 when a sudden rush of adrenaline shot through my body. When my heart was pounding and I thought I might pass out. When I too was knocked down in a heartbeat.

Lee Wellman experienced his first panic attack while sitting in a conference room at the Prudential Center in Boston. It was his first month in a new position. He described the attack as follows: �A sudden rush of adrenaline rushed through my body and into my head. It hit me out of the blue and felt as though someone had sucked the breath out of my lungs and blew it back into my face. I was almost knocked out of my chair. A strange, innate sensation to get out of that room came over me.�

He attributed these symptoms to poor air circulation in the conference room. Nine days later, after he had his second panic attack, he writes, �Unbeknownst to me, this attack changed my life forever.� He was now aware that there was something wrong, that the first attack had nothing to do with the air circulation. So, what could have caused such a strange reaction? Here was a young man who was educated and successful. He was on top of the world. His career was thriving and he had recently been promoted. Sometime during the course of his recovery, he learned that it is that same personality type - intelligent, ambitious, high achiever - that made him a prime candidate for an anxiety disorder. Wellman writes, �Motivated, successful, intelligent people suffer from anxiety issues because they care so much about their lives, their future, and are constantly striving for the best.�

As I was drawn into his story, I found myself walking home with the author on that cold, January day, �confused, scared, sad, and mad all at the same time.� I dreaded the workplace along with him, and felt his discomfort during those long meetings in the conference room. I got caught up in the utter confusion, the ceaseless analyzing. How vividly I recall that feeling of being trapped, and the need to escape. Throughout the book, I relived the terrifying days of my own anxiety disorder. And I thought to myself, How can all of this be so predictable?

Wellman describes waking up each morning fearing the anxiety, going through the day worrying about it, and going to bed at night thinking about it. It became his main focus. He talks about the loss of identity. �I didn�t like the new me,� he writes. �I didn�t like being afraid of going to work, heading to dinner with friends, standing in line, or even attending church.� Those of us who have ridden the waves of uncontrollable panic attacks, or have tried to cope with intense anxiety on a daily basis, can certainly identify with the author.

He searched for some kind of answer or resolution to the problem. Seeing his symptoms as physical he sought out medical help, only to be told that there was nothing physically wrong, that he was in �great shape.� At first, like many of us, he was reluctant to seek out psychological help. �People tend to shy away from therapy,� writes Wellman. But he goes on to say, �The first step in conquering an anxiety disorder is admitting to yourself that you need help and that it�s okay to seek it.� Wellman retraces his steps, digs into his past, and follows the course that finally erupted into his struggle with anxiety and panic attacks, recognizing the thinking patterns, symptoms and personality traits that provoke anxiety. His insightful journey makes it clear to the reader that these attacks are not coming from �out of the blue,� that they are there for a reason. What a valuable insight this is for the reader who is lost in the confusion and hopelessness of an anxiety disorder. It is one of the most important lessons in the book. I well remember that this very awareness was the beginning of my own recovery. It is a message that is empowering. We are no longer the victim when we realize that we ourselves have set the anxiety in motion by our own thinking patterns.

The author realizes that the anxiety isn�t going to just go away. It follows him everywhere; it is no longer confined to the workplace. He knows that he is dealing with something that he cannot just walk away from, or leave behind. Soon he is faced with the depression that invariably sets in when his world is turned upside down and he just isn�t sure what is happening to him. As his anxiety grows, he begins to educate himself about anxiety disorders, panic attacks and depression. He writes that knowledge empowered him and restored his confidence. Confidence that helped free him from the hold of an anxiety disorder. �Educating yourself about anxiety before it strikes will lessen the blow, if not protect you from it altogether.�

Wellman claims that he stumbled upon a quarter-life crisis due to a combination of stress and the fact that he was constantly focusing on his future. He was dwelling on where he thought he should be rather than simply being happy where he was. He states that, �Thinking about the future and not living for the present day is the number one cause of anxiety.�

In time, the author learns to roll with the punches and go with the flow of life. He learns to live in the moment and not get caught up in the �what ifs� of the future. He reaches a point where he no longer focuses on the anxiety. Realizing that there is no quick fix, no recovery deadlines, he allows time to pass, and he is happy with the slightest progress.

�You can forever wish away your disorder, or you can turn your struggle into a positive,� he writes. Lee Wellman definitely turned his struggle into a positive. He faced his anxiety problem with great courage. He met it head on. His words are bound to reassure anxiety/panic sufferers, giving them hope for their own recovery. More than that, his words will uplift and inspire them. The author came through a very difficult time and having done that, he is now reaching out to others so that they too can find freedom from their anxiety. His down-to-earth, candid account of his own disorder, and a �cheat sheet� of helpful strategies, make this book a must read.

BC Grad Shares Story of Anxiety

For double Eagle Lee Wellman, BC '97 and GCSOM '02, it was time to write.

A baseball player and Carroll School of Management student in his undergrad years, an MBA candidate during grad school, and currently an employee at Gillette, Wellman had his share of anxieties.

But upon reflection, he realized his unease was more than the usual stressed-out nerves, so he penned a book describing his experience with an anxiety disorder.

Wellman writes of his struggles with severe anxiety in his new book, My Quarter Life Crisis: How an Anxiety Disorder Knocked Me Down, and How I Got Back Up. From graduation through the first stages of his professional career, his anxiety developed from a typical discomfort into what he admits to be a disorder.

The businessman-turned-author documents his story to help others who suffer from anxiety. "I saw the opportunity to help raise awareness about a problem that is too often underestimated," he says.

He feels it is his "responsibility" to share his experiences with anxiety in the hope that doing so will lead to a greater understanding of the power it has over many people.

The thrust of the book revolves around distinguishing between the typical, often motivation-inducing anxieties to the point at which these anxieties begin to dictate our lives, dominating and controlling us.

Wellman describes several of his own panic attacks. A particular scene, depicting the image of a sizable, former college athlete, sitting in a business meeting at the top of the Prudential Center shaking with fear, is one of the most fascinating and genuine portions of the story. It appears that, by most standards, Wellman is one of the many suburban-bred, private college-learned, kings of our world. What does he have to panic about?

It is to his credit that Wellman seems entirely aware of this perspective. He admits it being a reason for having kept his anxiety a secret for as long as he did. In the book he says, "Anxiety and depression are often thought of as affecting only weak-minded or unsuccessful people and so it is this stigma that prevents many people from openly sharing their battles with others."

The most crippling and devastating part of his problems with anxiety is, according to Wellman, being "so uneducated about it. I had no idea what was happening and I definitely felt I was alone with the problem."

He also emphasizes the inevitability of anxiety. In appropriate proportion, it is beneficial, and sometimes essential, to the achievements and success we all strive for, he admits. He speculates that when one is driven and accomplished, there will, quite likely, be a life of anxiety ahead.

"It is not right to feel ashamed of this anxiety or feel weak because of it, but rather to understand it and be more wary of it getting out of hand," he says.

Wellman's own problems began when his obsession with the future became too much to handle. "Worrying about the future is the number one stressor for people," he says.

Wellman admits he was hesitant to sell his book at BC. "I thought maybe writing this as a 30-year-old, 20-year-olds were not going to relate. But then I saw the reactions of my friends, one of whom was my roommate at BC. He said he struggled with that type of anxiety during our college years and even considered dropping out. That's when I realized BC was probably the perfect place to take my story," he says.

At BC, his severe anxiety was kept at bay.

"As an athlete, I was under pressure, certainly anxious at times but I could handle it for the most part," he says. "I'm sure I could've dealt with things better, though. I used to get really upset for days after games when I didn't play well. But I wasn't having panic attacks."

In retrospect, he recognizes the feelings of unease he had in his undergrad days.

"In college, I had the same problems I did when I left. I was thinking too much about the future," he says. "I was doing the same thing when I started working. I was obsessing over the next hurdle in my life, thinking about how and when to start a family.

There's a difference between planning and working for the future and being obsessed with it. For me, college wasn't the breaking point, but I know it would have been helpful to have these types of conversations while I was there."

Wellman may have found a release in writing this time around, but says his calling is not as a writer. "I'm a sales guy at Gillette and I wrote a book because I had something important to say. I don't plan on making it a career," he says.

Wellman's sincerity is reflected in his book. It is modest, to the point, and boasts the objective of raising awareness. He claims that one of the hardest parts about his anxiety was that he felt he needed to deny its validity as a problem. His despair came from the feeling that he was alone.

"All the close people in my life that I spoke to only shared their stories with me because I broached the subject and shared my personal struggles with them first," he notes in the book.

Wellman insists that once he discovered the relative commonality of his problems it became much easier to handle them, writing that, "This knowledge empowered me, restoring the confidence I so desperately needed to help me free myself from the hold that my anxiety disorder had on my life. I am hoping that my story will do the same for you."

Author offers anxiety advice
By Kathryn Koch/ Staff Reporter
Wednesday, October 4, 2006

In "My Quarter-Life Crisis: How An Anxiety Disorder Knocked Me Down, And How I Got Back Up," this typical guy describes the attack that changed his life.

"A sudden rush of adrenaline had shot through my body and into my head," he writes about the moment the first wave of anxiety struck. "It hit me out of the blue and felt as though someone had sucked the breath out of my lungs and blew it back into my face."

Wellman was sitting in a conference room at work at the Prudential Center in Boston as the lights flickered and then went out. A colleague joked that it might be the terrorists they'd read about in the newspaper that morning trying to blow up the building.

Wellman, who spent summers in Marshfield growing up, had just been promoted to a new position with his company and was seemingly on top of the world. In reality, he found that his world was off-balance. The idea of writing a book had never entered the first-time author's mind before he was caught off-guard by anxiety attacks just as he was about to turn 30.

"The reason why I wrote it was to help people," he said. "People are amazed how honest and open I've been."

Wellman didn't create the term "quarter-life crisis." It was coined by psychologist Elliott Jaques in 1965, and applies to the period of life immediately following the major changes of adolescence, usually between the ages of 21 and 29.

Wellman said he thinks men and women of all ages will be able to relate to his story, but especially people between ages 22 and 35. He said he didn't realize until he started talking about his experience how many of his friends have been hobbled by anxiety in one form or another.

Wellman had a blueprint for his life. After graduating from Boston College with bachelor's and master's degrees in business administration, he set about following that blueprint. His friends all thought he had a great, carefree life, and so did he, until his first panic attack in his first month as a manager.

"Everything was going so great in my life," he said. "It was my dream job, the job I wanted, at least at this stage in my life. I had my list of goals checked off, and felt like I'd arrived."

Wellman can't attribute his recovery to any one thing, as it was a combination of therapy, education and medication, but the "cheat sheet" he created was instrumental in his recovery. Two of the entries that lessened the hold his anxiety disorder had on him are to stop thinking about the future, including the what-ifs that clouded his mind, and to just breathe. One of the physical responses to anxiety, he said, is holding one's breath.

When he showed his friend Lane his cheat sheet and she created one for herself that seemed to help her, it was the spark that drove him to start writing. He doesn't regret how candid he was or that he had to relive some difficult experiences during the writing process.

"It brought back feelings, but in a positive way," he said. "I think I've become a stronger person."

Just a few years ago, Wellman would have thought of someone who had an anxiety disorder as weak. When he first told his parents, they didn't know how to react except to say that life is often difficult.

His book was first published on his birthday, Aug. 21, but he has since updated the book and ordered more copies for distribution. Wellman is not an expert on anxiety disorders, but said it may help that he's not a professional.

These days, Wellman splits his time between his home in Boston and the house in Marshfield that he co-owns with his parents, who live in Connecticut. He has less of a blueprint for his life now, and believes in living based on the knowledge that it's how he deals with the disorder that matters.

The foreword and first chapter of his book can be read online at leewellman.com. Books can be ordered online, and are for sale at the Boston College Bookstore and at Mind and Body Institute in Boston, where his therapist, Janet Fronk, sees patients. She has endorsed his book.

Managing Anxiety No Easy Task

Local Author Says it can Happen
By Kathryn Koch/ Staff Reporter

Marshfield-He�s just a typical 31-year-old guy who works hard, hangs out with friends and loves the Red Sox.

In "My Quarter-Life Crisis: How An Anxiety Disorder Knocked Me Down, And How I Got Back Up," this typical guy describes the attack that changed his life.

"The reason why I wrote it was to help people," he said. "People are amazed how honest and open I've been."

"Everything was going so great in my life," he said. "It was my dream job, the job I wanted, at least at this stage in my life. I had my list of goals checked off, and felt like I'd arrived."

"It brought back feelings, but in a positive way," he said. "I think I've become a stronger person."

The foreword and first chapter of his book can be read online at leewellman.com. Books can be ordered online here and/or at Amazon.com, and are for sale at the Boston College Bookstore and at Mind and Body Institute in Boston, where his therapist, Janet Fronk, sees patients. She has endorsed his book.

12/22/2006

Book can help you deal with anxiety

By:Liz White , Staff

In the past, I have written about the quarter-life crisis jokingly - my friends and I having hot flashes and being inexplicably overly emotional. What I did not touch on was the potential serious effects of this "crisis," common to 20- and 30-somethings, which can include extreme anxiety and can be severely debilitating to living everyday life.

Although I have not experienced a full-blown quarter-life crisis, as a 24-year-old businesswoman I can identify with the symptoms that Lee Wellman explains in his candid memoir and self-help book, "My Quarter-Life Crisis: How an Anxiety Disorder Knocked Me Down, and How I Got Back Up." After identifying his disorder, Wellman, who grew up in Meriden, opened up to his peers about his struggles and realized that his friend had had similar experiences, similar anxiety issues. He then understood the positive impact that writing this book could have on many others, not limited to only those in his age group.

Anxiety, fear, panic and depression - to some degree, almost every person has experienced some or all of these feelings. In this sensitively written account, Wellman bares his soul about the challenges of life as a successful 20-something former All-American athlete and college graduate with an MBA and an advancing career at a Fortune 500 company.

It appears that Wellman had it all, including a loving and supportive family, caring friends and loyal colleagues. Despite those important life supports, Wellman describes how anxiety-driven panic attacks blindsided him and threw him into a year-long search for ways to find the help and specific strategies needed to regain control of his life. With the assistance of professionals, family, friends and his own research, he learned to practice skills necessary to calm his mind and resume his day-to-day life.

This easy-to-read book offers strategies and practical suggestions to help anyone - not strictly quarter-lifers - who suffers from anxiety, fear, panic and depression. These strategies are summarized in Wellman's succinct yet powerful list of 13 strategies he calls "The Cheat Sheet." For example, the first is simply "Breathe, relax, and slow down." These tips may seem basic, but in context they can make the difference between living life and letting anxiety control life.

In this increasingly fast-paced world, more and more pressure is placed on everyone to do more work more often, to speed up life, to take on more responsibility, whether it is work or extracurricular activities. Everyone is accessible 24/7 through e-mail, cell phones, laptops, and Blackberries. In particular, quarter-lifers are just beginning their careers, new social lives, and maybe their own family lives. Entering the working world and "real life" in general in such a fast-paced environment can make one feel as though no accomplishment is ever satisfactory because there is no time to enjoy success and rest on laurels when the next accomplishment must be on the horizon. Wellman's second tip on the cheat sheet - "TODAY - Live for today and be present" - advises against such thinking.

Because I am a driven 20-something who often pushes my limits of how much responsibility I can take on, I fear that I could fall victim to such a crisis as Wellman did in his late 20s. However, after reading Wellman's book, I am confident that I am better equipped to deal with potential anxiety and depression. Also, I now know how common these feelings are and I will not feel alone if I face such a disorder. I also feel that these tools could be useful to me beyond my quarter-life years because such anxiety is common to people of all ages. I highly recommend this book. It is a valuable resource for anyone with an anxiety disorder or for anyone that simply wants to get more out of life. For more information, visit www.leewellman.com.

The NCAA News

By Leilana McKindra

Two years ago, Kevin Penwell experienced a life-altering event while sitting in a business meeting held in a tall office building. The former Boston College all-American baseball student-athlete was overcome by anxiety for the first time in his life.

Now fully recovered from an anxiety disorder and a bout with depression, Penwell has written �My Quarter-Life Crisis: How an Anxiety Disorder Knocked Me Down and How I Got Back Up,� a self-help memoir in which Penwell discusses his battle with anxiety and how he overcame fear, panic and depression.

Penwell, who wrote the book under the pen name Lee Wellman, said he was motivated to help people.

�It was concerning to me that anxiety disorders are a growing phenomenon, yet the education and awareness around them are not growing at all,� said Penwell, who believes if he had read a book similar to his 10 years ago, he might have been better prepared to deal with his symptoms. �I would have been knowledgeable and able to recognize the warning signs, how my personality was driving me too hard to always achieve and succeed and how to enjoy the moment more, rather than simply checking off one accomplishment after another. That�s an important piece, especially for NCAA student-athletes.�

For more information or to purchase the book, go to www.leewellman.com. The book also is available on Amazon.com.